Mr. Tough Love

I'm having withdrawal symptoms. A self-proclaimed VH1 reality television junkie, I'm missing my weekly dose of Tough Love. Ahh, Steve Ward.

I love this show because he makes plenty of valid points, gives a guy's perspective and is no nonsense. Why can't most men be like him?

His main cornerstone is that trust, respect and communication is the basis for any long lasting relationship. Of course, other things come into play... and his many rules, as funny as they are, make complete sense to me.

Case in point, Rule #67, No Fist Bumping! Friends fist bump. Buddies fist bump. Athletic counterparts fist bump. Love interests do not.

There is someone I used to fist bump, but after hearing this rule, I quickly stopped. Not because he is a love interest, but he's a potential love interest. In either case, I won't do it.

So, within my future entries, if I ever ponder, "What would Steve say?" I'm referring to Mr. Tough Love.

I LOVE the Opera!

No really, I do.

I don't go to the opera very often, but always have purchased tickets in pairs. The problem arises when the thought comes to mind, "who am I going to take?" More often than not an appreciating girlfriend is thrilled and interested to go... except for this one time.

I had tickets for La Traviata at the Dorothy Chandler. At the time I was finishing a semester of Italian 2 and thought it would be an opportunity to invite a guy in my class. La Traviata is an Italian opera. However, there was a bit of a problem. I had only spoke with him briefly a couple of times during those 16 weeks. I never even got a chance to work on class exercises with him.

For the record, I was NOT cradle robbing! He was taking a class to fulfill an interest, not requirements, as was I. So he was an older student.

The night of the final exam, I completely lucked out. I finished the test before him and was talking with a few people in the stairwell. He joined us and invited us to go along with him to a graduation party. Unfortunately, everyone else had other things to do, which was okay by me! We spent the evening talking over a couple of drinks and I ended up really enjoying his company, so I asked him to the opera. He agreed to go!

The day of the opera arrived and he calls me in the morning to ask if we're still on? Is he kidding? Oh, please don't flake on me now! Too casual an approach to confirm plans that involve orchestra seats! Actually, he wanted to know how should coordinate. I suggested he pick me up since I live on the way there. In the back of my mind I was really thinking, we can talk in the car, and after the matinee show, it will be time for dinner. Voilà! Extended date.

So he picks me up, we get there, watch La Traviata, and as we walk out he suggests we get a bite to eat. See what I mean? My plan, but his idea. When I'm good, I'm good.

Whether or not he wants to consider this a date, this was a great day. We got along and had a great time. Up until he dropped my off. As he gave me a hug, I mentioned I'd like to see him again -- and not in a classroom. Yeah... he wasn't expecting that. I know at times I can be pretty direct. You want to know what his words were to that? "On one hand I think why not? But let me think about it."

Oh. Awkward. I couldn't believe it. What guy says THAT? Out loud?! You have a women who expresses an interest in you and, are you SERIOUS?!

He talked to me shortly after and gave me the same song and dance that I've heard so many time before... you're smart, funny... and wait, is that Charlie Brown's professor in the background?

It's alright, no loss. In fact, we are currently friends.

Contemplating if I should just get single tickets from now on...

Quieres bailar?

After a long weekend of not dancing much, I went out last night to (hopefully) have an enjoyable evening. Just my luck. I ran into Romeo... or rather, walked by him. It did not ruin my night. Actually, I had a lot of fun.

Later on in the evening, out of the corner of my eye, I saw him coming towards me but thought he was going somewhere else. He grabbed my forearm to dance with me. Okay, ask a girl to dance, take her hand, touch her shoulder, whatever... but grab her forearm? Like he's about to take my pulse or blood pressure? I shook him OFF of me like I would a spider except without screaming.

If this is his idea of a peace offering, I don't want it.

She's Just Not That Into You

A couple of weeks ago I was watching the movie He's Just Not That Into You, when I received a text message from Romeo, wanting to know what I was up to. Oh, boy, here we go. When I told him what I was watching, his response was, "don't be hard on yourself, it's a bunch of BS. It's better to have love and lost than never to have been loved."

What? I'm just watching a movie! I read the book eons ago and never saw the film, okay? Until now... and I was enjoying it until this irritating interruption... to which I did not respond, but he continued, "I've lost and loved. I'd watch the movie with you, I might learn something. You were in love with me?"

Really... REALLY?! Does it matter? I don't know what he wants from me. Actually, I do know, but no way in hell is that going to happen. Did he really have to go there and ask me a question regarding my emotions toward him at one time? Why does he want to know? I wonder if it's an ego thing. I never did answer him because frankly, his texts were pissing me off.

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To make matters even worse, this last week we were chatting via text and he ended up insulting me. Yes, he realized what he was doing and I was directly profane in my reaction because he hit a nerve.

He apologizes - via text. Lame.

A couple days later I get this message: "I've been in Tijuana since that evening of my faux pas. Just crossed back to San Diego, that's why I didn't get a chance to verbally apologize. I'll call you tomorrow so you can verbally tell me **** you."

Sigh. I've had enough.

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He does call the next day and I hesistated answering but finally picked up the phone. "Hello Domenica." Wow! It must be important because he used my name.

Okay, let's cut to the chase... He apologizes and I say nothing. To fill the silence he asks, "Aren't you going to tell me to f*** off?"

I tell him he already knows that and he fumbles on the other side of the line. So I ask him if there's anything else he wants to tell me. Now he's confused, and apparently needs clarification. I say (slowly, so he'll understand),

"Is there anything else?"

After hearing him say no, I cut him off, "Have a good evening. Bye."

Hmm, and the phone is flipped closed. That was easy.

At least now I feel that I have full closure because when things had ended between us, it was on his terms, not mine.

Preview

A couple of years ago I was involved with someone who I completely fell for... we'll call him Romeo, because he was one. A womanizing Romeo, I've come to learn, but he did have his qualities, and considering how private of a person he is, he shared quite much with me.

Men complain about women being dramatic, but he was the dramatic one, complete with extra baggage that airlines would tack on a hefty service charge. Things had ended badly and it took me a long time to get over him.

Over a year had passed when we were back on speaking terms, and only by accident. I had texted everyone on my phone list when the Station Fires were going on. Damn that cell phone! Okay, it's my fault that I never deleted his number in the first place... So, we started talking again once in a while and it was fine. I was fine speaking with him and no longer wanted to send the dogs after him anymore.

So, as we were on this friendship term, I started helping him out with tango steps that he had learned. Again, I was fine with this, indifferent actually, but still nice. But he? Not so sure. He's been attentive ever since, even flirtatious and a bit forthcoming... initiating phone calls and texts. Fascinating how when women pull away, guys want them more.

Ohhh, so what happened? Did I succumb to his Romeo tactics? Wooing me with whispers in Spanish?

Hey, this is just a preview!!

Rico Suave

"How are you baby? How you doin'? Hope you doin' good... Ahh, I jus call you to say hi an, ah, to let ju know that the pichure didn' ah, wen thru... So, I coming back tomorrow. Uh, if you can try to get in toush with me, okay?.. I send you a big kiss an a big hug, k mami? Beso (insert kissing sound here)... mmmm, grande... Que cosia amor... madonna mia, more mio, monta bella."

No, there are absolutely zero typos above. This was a message left by Rico Suave and I keep this message saved purely for entertainment purposes. If anyone ever wants to listen to it, I'd be more than happy to share!

I think he was trying to, ahem, win points with me? By throwing in some fractured Italian? Well, it didn't exactly work. The message in its entirety was just a bit over the top, if you ask me, and made it a turn off. Awfully amusing though...

Ah, yes, the pichure. He had wanted me to send him a photo of myself via cell phone, so I'd be with him all the time, I guess. I thought it was strange, so I didn't send anything.

I met Rico Suave about 3 years ago, and about 2.5 years ago he appeared to take an interest in me. Mexican from Mexico City, not that tall but his muscles compensated for what he lacked in height. Slicked back hair... and he always makes sure to wear fitted shirts with a few buttons undone. It's either that or some muscle t-shirt, or -gasp!- dare I say a mesh shirt?! NO! He's not gay!

We went out a couple of times but I just wasn't into him. So one night we were practising at a local studio and he was getting way too touchy feely and I had to tell him: "I like dancing with you, but other than that I'm not interested in anything else." Direct and to the point. I felt bad, though, the look in his eyes. He got over it quickly and when I see him around now, it's fun and flirtatious, but that's it.

I should really not give my phone number out so easily...

Mr. Track Suit

So after posting under the 'platonic' section of Craigslist, searching for an intermediate-advanced dancer, I get 2 responses. One says he likes what I had to say and would like to get to know me -- clearly, CLEARLY he did not read my specific 2-line ad under the PLATONIC section, so decided not to send an email back.

The other decides to describe himself, then says life is too short. Okay, I'll bite. I ask him where does he go dancing? He mentioned a couple places I'm familiar with, although he doesn't dance tango. Hmm... that's a problem, since that's what I was hoping to find, but I digress. I figure he sounds nice enough, so he suggested meeting. Instead of waiting until later in the week, I suggest we meet that night. The sooner, the better in my book! Hey, don't let too much time pass building up expectations, right?

We decide to meet at a bookstore with a Starbucks. He was running late but called, and mentions that he's dressed casually, so for me not to get so dressed up. In 50 degree weather?! Of course not silly! Jeans and a turtleneck! Minimal makeup! Some would argue with me that that's not a good first impression, but it's not like I was schlepping!

He's late... by a half hour, but I wait since he called. When he arrives, he walks up to me wearing a track suit. A maroon one. Our plans were to meet up for drinks, not go to the gym.

As we get tea, sit and start to talk, it's becoming obviously one-sided. He talks, and talks, and it's mainly self-promotion. Sigh. This is not a two way conversation and I politely start zoning out. Has he noticed? Not sure, but he keeps calling me 'sweetie' and he's told me about 10 times that he thinks I'm gorgeous and if we hit it off, we should go for it because life's too short. Go for what?

The other thing that was working my nerve was his prediction of the future... that he has to take me snowboarding and skiing. Guys, really, no need to plan the next year if you're not sure you'll survive the first 10 minutes.

Luckily he had to rush off and attend to something else... most likely go for a run.

Lesson learned? Craigslist is great if you want to sell your sofa, but the people perusing the social posts? At least attempt to read them!