Now I'm His Girlfriend? Part I

I didn't know what to do, so I invited Church Boy out salsa dancing, hoping it would be a fun night out. He was all for it.

First, he gave up 20 minutes into the beginning class that's offered before the club starts. "I... I can't do this." Way to stress out, buddy.

Secondly... He had told me he's not the jealous type. Well, that was a big, fat lie. As I was talking to a male friend, he came around and placed his water glass firmly on the ledge in front of me. Hmmm, okay.

Thirdly, I told him, if he needs to eat something, there's a restaurant in the building, so we could order food. It was getting a little late, and he did have to eat. He ordered an appetizer and a drink, and asked me what I wanted. I just wanted water. He made such a big deal about the bar not giving out tap water. Geez, all I wanted was water while he ordered food and an alcoholic beverage. So, he says, "I'll manage." WTF??? I didn't get it.

We left soon after that and he asked if I could pull over so that he could administer insulin. Now, the part that concerned me most? He gave himself TWO shots of insulin, one in his leg, and another in his arm. I don't know much about diabetes, although my grandmother had it and she never gave herself 2 shots of anything. It seemed odd to me. As I was talking to a friend about this, whose mother is a diabetic, she told me something wasn't right.

It Was A Religious Theme...

So about a month and a half into seeing Church Boy, he suggested we go up to Santa Barbara for the day.

I love Santa Barbara, so we went under my condition that I drive (he had major car problems).

Bright and early on a Sunday morning, we went up there. We made it in time for mass at the Mission and walked around a bit checking it out. During mass there was an older couple sitting in front of us, holding hands. It was at that moment that I realized I'm not into this guy. I didn't feel comfortable around him. This moment absolutely SUCKED and wasn't sure how to handle it. I asked him to give me a few minutes so I can go into the chapel. Little did he know I wanted to pray to the Blessed Sacrament for guidance!

He Was A Priest?!

Nope, he was thinking of becoming a priest, but decided he liked women too much. At least, that's what he told me.

This was more than a couple years ago. I met Church Boy off a Catholic dating website. We exchanged several emails and decided to meet.

In fact, for our initial date, he invited me to go to mass with him. Some of you may be thinking, that's odd, but I've been on a successful church date before, so I agreed.

It went well. I couldn't really tell if he was someone I could be into, so a second date was followed by a third. Oh, okay, we were dating. But just dating.

Church Boy was a bit neurotic. He was on a strict diet, but he had reason to be. As a diabetic early on in his life, he had a really strict regimen that he maintained. Everything was scheduled. Gym, meals, mass, shower, you name it. I thought I was a planner, but he exceeded me by far.

Romeo, Romeo...

I still see Romeo around. Usually once a week, at the same place, same time. I see him, but it's not like we talk to each other. In fact, we avoid eye contact.

In late spring of this year his car and cell phone was stolen, and he thought I did it. He even sent me an email:

"... My first reaction was that you took them brought on by some scorn... At this point I do not trust anyone so what I'm going to say is straight to the point and may be considered offensive but under the circumstances it doesn't matter, if you are the one responsible I am willing to, not bring any charges against you... Hope it's not you, but if it is and you don't come clean then I have to do what I have to do."

Well, I was a little offended, but responded that it wasn't me and I hope he gets everything back. Except he sends me another email, paranoid about my proximity to him over that weekend and asking me questions. So I responded again and let it rip this time. He's an idiot.

Since then we've steered clear of each other, until my phone went missing in a club one Saturday night. The following morning I got a replacement, and that evening when I got to my destination early, I saw him leaning against a railing. I started walking in his direction. He seemed panicked and looked around, either for an escape route or to see if I was walking toward anyone else. Too late. I leaned at the opposite side of the railing, turned to him and said, "My cell phone was stolen last night. Did you take it?" Touché. I know he didn't take it, but the point is he's ridiculous.

Sometimes I wonder if he tries to make me jealous with the way he dances with other women, but I really don't care anymore. Last night I left the same time as a friend, and we ended up walking directly past Romeo. This time he looked at me. He probably thought my friend and I are "together," but that's not the case.

What's My Name?

So, a few weeks ago, I was feeling a bit bold and asked someone I'd had my eye on if he'd like to go out sometime. He took my phone number, and as I was leaving, kissed me on the cheek goodbye and said, "I'll call you."

Right away I felt in my stomach that he wouldn't. Damnit. Of course I didn't get his number because I didn't have my phone on me.

The following week I didn't go out because I was sick, and the week after that he wasn't there. Now fast forward to a couple nights ago...

I didn't really feel like going out, but I did. My back was killing me and I wasn't feeling the music. Then, as I was dancing with a friend, I saw Mr. M walk by and felt a huge smile appear on my face. A new song, a kiss on the cheek hello, and I was dancing with him.

Mr. M said he wanted to call, and started giving me excuses that I didn't need to hear. This time before I left, I got his number.... so, we'll see what happens. Hmm... he asked me what his name is. Since I had just entered his name into my phone, I showed him. I didn't forget! But again, he asked - he wanted me to say his name.

Kinky salsero.... is this some sort of fetish?

FAQ

You don't have a boyfriend?

No, I don't. But if I had a penny for every time I heard this, I'd have a million dollars!

This question wouldn't annoy me so much if it wasn't followed with, Why not? Just exactly, how, am I supposed to answer that? Smile and nod wouldn't be sufficient in this case, would it? I swear I have no one hidden, on the side, etc.

One guy I recently spoke with thought I was lying...

*rolling eyes*

Indian, The Conclusion

So, after a couple more chat attempts, the Indian wanted to know what he has to do to get to me.

Sounds like a desperate attempt to me! Have I mentioned that Indian guys are persistent?

With a little help and coaching from a male friend, I tell the Indian that I'd like to be friends, and he agrees.... "Friends first, then more?" PERSISTENT!!!

Friends now and friends later.

Torque

I realize I've taken a long hiatus from this blog, but there was a reason.

I had met someone, who I ended up liking a lot, despite the fact that he smokes (normally a deal breaker of mine), and feared if he found this, that it would be a major turn off. He is a foreigner, and I'll call him Torque because my cousin misread his name that way. :D I saw certain qualities that were very attractive to me. There was a lot we agreed on, and wanted many of the same things... or that was the impression I was under.

Well... It did not last long. A few awesome dates (even if they didn't go as planned), lots of phone calls, great conversation, not to mention the chemistry, ended. Very abruptly. What the heck?

It pisses me off more than anything else. I remember the last time we spoke. Since we don't live near each other, I had asked when were we going to see each other next? That's when he says, "I don't know. I have no time." This is such a pet peeve of mine that I couldn't help but get hostile and tell him that that's a lousy excuse, so don't insult me that way.

So he says we could get together the following weekend. I tell him to call me, but he never did. And I did not want to call.

That was the end of that. It was brief, so at least I didn't get too attached. I have run into him a couple of times since then and we say hello to each other in passing, but it's not the same. It feels awkward. He doesn't dance with me anymore either.

How convenient though... pick someone who lives in a different county when you're in the same social circle. What a wimp.

Indian, Part III

Well, he had a great time. And I don't know how to respond!

He catches me online again and talks about music. You would think it's harmless until it gets strange...

"I like his songs... actually growing up in India we would listen to a lot of his songs... Bryan Adams, Eagles are some who r pretty popular... can I touch u there... touch you deep inside... can I... "

Huh. I'm speechless. It feels like this chat has gone awry! We were talking about George Michael before this, but I'm quite bewildered as I read the above. I know these are song titles, but what's worse, I have no idea if he is posing this as an actual question. And now I'm deeply disturbed!

I don't get it. I haven't done anything to push his buttons, but maybe he's testing mine? It's not working. At all!

Indian, Part II

I had hesitated because I've gone out with an Indian guy before (but that one will have to be another post), and if there are any similarities, it concerns me. They are persistent!

But I'm getting ahead of myself. We met in Pasadena for dinner. A sports bar, because the original place he had in mind was closed on Mondays.

Dinner is just okay. Actually, I thought something caught my eye, but I got distracted easily and so did he, so conversation didn't really quite flow. After eating, he decides to sit on my side of the table. Maybe he wanted to see the football game on television.

As the restaurant closed, we left and I said I'd better get going. I meant it. He didn't want me to go, but really, I wanted to. Why the rush? Oh, come on... that 'something' that caught my eye during dinner? Chapped lips. And how the heck do you discreetly offer Blistex or Chapstick to a guy?? I'm able to tell people if they have spinach in their teeth or lipstick on their face, but this is territory I haven't entered before.

And yes, he was persistent. He didn't want me to go. He really wanted a goodnight kiss, but that wasn't happening.

Some women linger around when they want to smooch. I've been guilty of that myself, but this was not one of those times! With a firm hand I say goodnight and push him away. Gotta go!

Indian, Part I

Bright and early Monday morning at work, as I routinely checked my email, I received a message from someone I met on a hike over the weekend. He said he enjoyed my company and would like to keep in touch.

Having no problem with this, I responded that it would be fine. So, he asks if I have IM, and we exchange information.

Now, this guy isn't from here. He's Indian. Dot, not feather. A bit tall, slender, good looking. He works in IT, so safe to say he's smart!

So we chat a bit, a little of this, a little of that. It's pretty tame and ordinary. He gets excited when he learns I'm Catholic. Then he starts saying how he noticed me first thing when he showed up at the hike, and had wanted to speak with me at the beginning. However, I kept up with the front of the group, and he complained about getting stuck with a slow poke at the end.

Now he begins to ask if I'd like to have dinner with him, and is Saturday good?

Ohhh, dear... I know my calendar is busy this week, and I get nervous as I say I have a family obligation.

So, he says he understands and says, "what about Friday?" Nope, can't. Birthday party to go to.

"How about Thursday?" Sorry, volunteering that evening and meeting with friends afterwards.

So, I guess now this Indian is frustrated that he doesn't want to wait too long to see me, and says, "what about tonight?"

Hesitating slightly, I say sure....

Flirting

Ever since I can remember, I've always been... forthcoming in my flirting tactics. Sadly, I think this was much easier in my childhood years.

When I was in kindergarten I wrote a love note to the boy next door.

In third grade I kept dropping my pencil so the boy next to me could be chivalrous and pick it up for me.

And in fourth grade I couldn't wait for the school day to end, just so I could catch up with the high school freshman picking up his sister. I took great pleasure punching him in the arm. At that age, it's flirting!

Like most, my teenage years felt awkward, so I refrained from my prior practices. So now the past 10 years or so, there are times that I do or don't put the effort into it.

A male friend had mentioned that I'm too platonic. Hmm... That is definitely something to thing about. I don't like to be one of those women who touches a man's lapel while laughing obnoxiously, nor do I think that he was referring I should be that way. At the same time, I don't think I'm standoffish. I firmly believe that there is a time and place for everything.

I always thought that being charming and engaging is part of flirting. Is this statement correct? If it isn't, someone please correct me! Make eye contact without staring, smile, turn your body towards him... sheesh, there are way too many books and articles but they all say the same thing.

Was It A Sale?

I suggested to meet Armen at Equator, an eclectic, hip coffee shop in Old Town Pasadena. Why did I choose this place? Because he couldn't think of a location so he left it up to me. (This is a recurring problem and I need to make a mental note to attempt meeting more creative men.)

He doesn't meet me there. Not physically. He calls from his car and says he's having a hard time finding parking and if I can meet him on Colorado Blvd. Feeling ridiculous as I wait at the curb, he pulls up and we chit chat for a moment through the window before he invites me in. Hmmm.

Armen is handsome in a BMOC kind of way -- a type I've never gone for because they usually considered me the friend. He also seemed conceited in a way that I loathe.

To be trusting and nicer than I've been to him, I get in. In retrospect, I should have gone home.

So he ends up taking me to his home. He lives with family. Yes, they were home but no, I did not meet them because they we're already sleeping.

We were watching television and he started to make moves on me, but I was so uncomfortable. It was getting late and I told him I had to wake up early and if he can drive me back.

I've never seen a guy over the age of 10 pout before. As he dropped me off, I remember he was a little rude, but I don't remember what his parting words were exactly.

Wouldn't you know? I didn't hear from him again.

I have a girlfriend who thinks that if I were Armenian, it would have played out differently. She thinks they don't date outside of their culture, and if they do, it's only for fun. I'd argue with that... I have a couple of cousins who married Armenian men. It must depend on the man.

The Sales Pitch

Work is not the most ideal place for me to meet men. It's ironic, because the construction industry is filled with them. Since I work with family, it's possible that they feel they shouldn't cross that boundary.

However, one day I had an appointment with a sales rep of a payroll services firm. Let's call this one Armen, short for armeno, which translates to Armenian. Brilliant, isn't it?

Now, one of my pet peeves is waiting for people who are more than a little late. So when Armen called me more than a half hour past our appointment time, I was icy and gave him a piece of my mind. He apologized and asked to reschedule. Reluctant, I agreed.

The following day he showed up on time and looked surprised that he would be talking to me. Not quite sure what was going through his mind. He probably didn't match the conversation from the previous day as talking to one of his peers. Either that or he probably didn't think he'd see a girl working for a construction company in a dress.

I'm not stupid. I can tell when a guy looks at me and he's searching for words he was going to say but forgot because he's distracted... by me!

After giving me his rehearsed sales presentation, I explained I couldn't agree to anything right away and would need a day to think about it.

He did call to follow up and I had to decline his services. He was trying to be persistent, and this had to stop, so I tell him, "Why don't you ask me something I can yes to?" Promptly, he asked if I would like to have coffee with him. Simple... this isn't brain surgery.

Mr. Tough Love

I'm having withdrawal symptoms. A self-proclaimed VH1 reality television junkie, I'm missing my weekly dose of Tough Love. Ahh, Steve Ward.

I love this show because he makes plenty of valid points, gives a guy's perspective and is no nonsense. Why can't most men be like him?

His main cornerstone is that trust, respect and communication is the basis for any long lasting relationship. Of course, other things come into play... and his many rules, as funny as they are, make complete sense to me.

Case in point, Rule #67, No Fist Bumping! Friends fist bump. Buddies fist bump. Athletic counterparts fist bump. Love interests do not.

There is someone I used to fist bump, but after hearing this rule, I quickly stopped. Not because he is a love interest, but he's a potential love interest. In either case, I won't do it.

So, within my future entries, if I ever ponder, "What would Steve say?" I'm referring to Mr. Tough Love.

I LOVE the Opera!

No really, I do.

I don't go to the opera very often, but always have purchased tickets in pairs. The problem arises when the thought comes to mind, "who am I going to take?" More often than not an appreciating girlfriend is thrilled and interested to go... except for this one time.

I had tickets for La Traviata at the Dorothy Chandler. At the time I was finishing a semester of Italian 2 and thought it would be an opportunity to invite a guy in my class. La Traviata is an Italian opera. However, there was a bit of a problem. I had only spoke with him briefly a couple of times during those 16 weeks. I never even got a chance to work on class exercises with him.

For the record, I was NOT cradle robbing! He was taking a class to fulfill an interest, not requirements, as was I. So he was an older student.

The night of the final exam, I completely lucked out. I finished the test before him and was talking with a few people in the stairwell. He joined us and invited us to go along with him to a graduation party. Unfortunately, everyone else had other things to do, which was okay by me! We spent the evening talking over a couple of drinks and I ended up really enjoying his company, so I asked him to the opera. He agreed to go!

The day of the opera arrived and he calls me in the morning to ask if we're still on? Is he kidding? Oh, please don't flake on me now! Too casual an approach to confirm plans that involve orchestra seats! Actually, he wanted to know how should coordinate. I suggested he pick me up since I live on the way there. In the back of my mind I was really thinking, we can talk in the car, and after the matinee show, it will be time for dinner. Voilà! Extended date.

So he picks me up, we get there, watch La Traviata, and as we walk out he suggests we get a bite to eat. See what I mean? My plan, but his idea. When I'm good, I'm good.

Whether or not he wants to consider this a date, this was a great day. We got along and had a great time. Up until he dropped my off. As he gave me a hug, I mentioned I'd like to see him again -- and not in a classroom. Yeah... he wasn't expecting that. I know at times I can be pretty direct. You want to know what his words were to that? "On one hand I think why not? But let me think about it."

Oh. Awkward. I couldn't believe it. What guy says THAT? Out loud?! You have a women who expresses an interest in you and, are you SERIOUS?!

He talked to me shortly after and gave me the same song and dance that I've heard so many time before... you're smart, funny... and wait, is that Charlie Brown's professor in the background?

It's alright, no loss. In fact, we are currently friends.

Contemplating if I should just get single tickets from now on...

Quieres bailar?

After a long weekend of not dancing much, I went out last night to (hopefully) have an enjoyable evening. Just my luck. I ran into Romeo... or rather, walked by him. It did not ruin my night. Actually, I had a lot of fun.

Later on in the evening, out of the corner of my eye, I saw him coming towards me but thought he was going somewhere else. He grabbed my forearm to dance with me. Okay, ask a girl to dance, take her hand, touch her shoulder, whatever... but grab her forearm? Like he's about to take my pulse or blood pressure? I shook him OFF of me like I would a spider except without screaming.

If this is his idea of a peace offering, I don't want it.

She's Just Not That Into You

A couple of weeks ago I was watching the movie He's Just Not That Into You, when I received a text message from Romeo, wanting to know what I was up to. Oh, boy, here we go. When I told him what I was watching, his response was, "don't be hard on yourself, it's a bunch of BS. It's better to have love and lost than never to have been loved."

What? I'm just watching a movie! I read the book eons ago and never saw the film, okay? Until now... and I was enjoying it until this irritating interruption... to which I did not respond, but he continued, "I've lost and loved. I'd watch the movie with you, I might learn something. You were in love with me?"

Really... REALLY?! Does it matter? I don't know what he wants from me. Actually, I do know, but no way in hell is that going to happen. Did he really have to go there and ask me a question regarding my emotions toward him at one time? Why does he want to know? I wonder if it's an ego thing. I never did answer him because frankly, his texts were pissing me off.

-----

To make matters even worse, this last week we were chatting via text and he ended up insulting me. Yes, he realized what he was doing and I was directly profane in my reaction because he hit a nerve.

He apologizes - via text. Lame.

A couple days later I get this message: "I've been in Tijuana since that evening of my faux pas. Just crossed back to San Diego, that's why I didn't get a chance to verbally apologize. I'll call you tomorrow so you can verbally tell me **** you."

Sigh. I've had enough.

-----

He does call the next day and I hesistated answering but finally picked up the phone. "Hello Domenica." Wow! It must be important because he used my name.

Okay, let's cut to the chase... He apologizes and I say nothing. To fill the silence he asks, "Aren't you going to tell me to f*** off?"

I tell him he already knows that and he fumbles on the other side of the line. So I ask him if there's anything else he wants to tell me. Now he's confused, and apparently needs clarification. I say (slowly, so he'll understand),

"Is there anything else?"

After hearing him say no, I cut him off, "Have a good evening. Bye."

Hmm, and the phone is flipped closed. That was easy.

At least now I feel that I have full closure because when things had ended between us, it was on his terms, not mine.

Preview

A couple of years ago I was involved with someone who I completely fell for... we'll call him Romeo, because he was one. A womanizing Romeo, I've come to learn, but he did have his qualities, and considering how private of a person he is, he shared quite much with me.

Men complain about women being dramatic, but he was the dramatic one, complete with extra baggage that airlines would tack on a hefty service charge. Things had ended badly and it took me a long time to get over him.

Over a year had passed when we were back on speaking terms, and only by accident. I had texted everyone on my phone list when the Station Fires were going on. Damn that cell phone! Okay, it's my fault that I never deleted his number in the first place... So, we started talking again once in a while and it was fine. I was fine speaking with him and no longer wanted to send the dogs after him anymore.

So, as we were on this friendship term, I started helping him out with tango steps that he had learned. Again, I was fine with this, indifferent actually, but still nice. But he? Not so sure. He's been attentive ever since, even flirtatious and a bit forthcoming... initiating phone calls and texts. Fascinating how when women pull away, guys want them more.

Ohhh, so what happened? Did I succumb to his Romeo tactics? Wooing me with whispers in Spanish?

Hey, this is just a preview!!

Rico Suave

"How are you baby? How you doin'? Hope you doin' good... Ahh, I jus call you to say hi an, ah, to let ju know that the pichure didn' ah, wen thru... So, I coming back tomorrow. Uh, if you can try to get in toush with me, okay?.. I send you a big kiss an a big hug, k mami? Beso (insert kissing sound here)... mmmm, grande... Que cosia amor... madonna mia, more mio, monta bella."

No, there are absolutely zero typos above. This was a message left by Rico Suave and I keep this message saved purely for entertainment purposes. If anyone ever wants to listen to it, I'd be more than happy to share!

I think he was trying to, ahem, win points with me? By throwing in some fractured Italian? Well, it didn't exactly work. The message in its entirety was just a bit over the top, if you ask me, and made it a turn off. Awfully amusing though...

Ah, yes, the pichure. He had wanted me to send him a photo of myself via cell phone, so I'd be with him all the time, I guess. I thought it was strange, so I didn't send anything.

I met Rico Suave about 3 years ago, and about 2.5 years ago he appeared to take an interest in me. Mexican from Mexico City, not that tall but his muscles compensated for what he lacked in height. Slicked back hair... and he always makes sure to wear fitted shirts with a few buttons undone. It's either that or some muscle t-shirt, or -gasp!- dare I say a mesh shirt?! NO! He's not gay!

We went out a couple of times but I just wasn't into him. So one night we were practising at a local studio and he was getting way too touchy feely and I had to tell him: "I like dancing with you, but other than that I'm not interested in anything else." Direct and to the point. I felt bad, though, the look in his eyes. He got over it quickly and when I see him around now, it's fun and flirtatious, but that's it.

I should really not give my phone number out so easily...

Mr. Track Suit

So after posting under the 'platonic' section of Craigslist, searching for an intermediate-advanced dancer, I get 2 responses. One says he likes what I had to say and would like to get to know me -- clearly, CLEARLY he did not read my specific 2-line ad under the PLATONIC section, so decided not to send an email back.

The other decides to describe himself, then says life is too short. Okay, I'll bite. I ask him where does he go dancing? He mentioned a couple places I'm familiar with, although he doesn't dance tango. Hmm... that's a problem, since that's what I was hoping to find, but I digress. I figure he sounds nice enough, so he suggested meeting. Instead of waiting until later in the week, I suggest we meet that night. The sooner, the better in my book! Hey, don't let too much time pass building up expectations, right?

We decide to meet at a bookstore with a Starbucks. He was running late but called, and mentions that he's dressed casually, so for me not to get so dressed up. In 50 degree weather?! Of course not silly! Jeans and a turtleneck! Minimal makeup! Some would argue with me that that's not a good first impression, but it's not like I was schlepping!

He's late... by a half hour, but I wait since he called. When he arrives, he walks up to me wearing a track suit. A maroon one. Our plans were to meet up for drinks, not go to the gym.

As we get tea, sit and start to talk, it's becoming obviously one-sided. He talks, and talks, and it's mainly self-promotion. Sigh. This is not a two way conversation and I politely start zoning out. Has he noticed? Not sure, but he keeps calling me 'sweetie' and he's told me about 10 times that he thinks I'm gorgeous and if we hit it off, we should go for it because life's too short. Go for what?

The other thing that was working my nerve was his prediction of the future... that he has to take me snowboarding and skiing. Guys, really, no need to plan the next year if you're not sure you'll survive the first 10 minutes.

Luckily he had to rush off and attend to something else... most likely go for a run.

Lesson learned? Craigslist is great if you want to sell your sofa, but the people perusing the social posts? At least attempt to read them!

Introductions

To introduce myself in plain terms... I'm a 32 year old single woman, never married, no kids and under no prescription drugs, who finds the word date the most challenging verb in the dictionary.

I try to keep an open mind, so as a result I've dated the following types of men: younger, older, my peers, divorced and with kids (not necessarily in that order), men that live on their own and those that are still with family, American, Mexican, Italian, et cetera. Even Jordanian!

Why am I unsuccessful? Not sure, but I have a few ideas... I'm not ugly nor am I Miss America. Nosy? Not at all. Inquisitive? You better believe it. Funny? I have my moments! Stubborn as hell. Can be aggressive, but that's underneath the shy and quiet exterior. Countless compliments referring that I'm a lady, classy and smart, which I'm gratefully thankful for.

Since my imagination is within the lower 50th percentile of the average person, the intention of this blog is to describe dates I've been on -- because I can't make this stuff up!